lunch with the 33s

I used to write alot. Before the internet era, I used to carry a book everwhere I go so that I can immediately write whatever that comes to mind. Somesort of a journal. Then, I was introduced to blogs and how cool it is to have one. I started having a really private blog somewhere in 2003 or 2004 I can remember. I don't even remember the URL and the password. Then I blogged in friendster's blog. People loved my blog because I used to write about really cool yet depressing things. Haha!

I decided to shift to blogspot when I wanted to have a low profile blog so that only a few can follow. I wrote alot. About almost everything. And I had quite a number of followers. 17 as I could remember it. Hahaha.. takde la ramai sangat but ok la. I decided to privatise that blog only to myself after I saw people landed on my blog after googling my name and also my husband's name. I didn't want people to find out about me, I guess.

So here I am now, I don't mention my name or my husband's name. People can't google us and only a few knows about this blog. So, you are the chosen one. Wilkommen :)

Yesterday was an eye opener day for me. In the morning I was chatting online with my very good friend. She said that sometimes she is confused with her life. Hey, aren't we all ? Later that day, I went to the city to do some shopping and I also met my ex-Deutsch-classmates for lunch. Both of the 33 years olds just got married this year. After finishing half a chicken, a bowl of fries and a wholesome delicious salad, we got to talking about how we all landed here in Deutschland. It surprised me that they hated Deutschland and I felt differently about it. Madalina told us that she was very successful back in her homeland and so was Jasmin. I guess we all have our stories. Things changed totally after they decided to come here and follow their husbands. But I guess I am thinking it positively. At one point I told them this. 'Yeah when I talk to people back home, they said, oh you're just a housewife there? Sometimes it can make you feel really down the way that other's look at you now.' How to explain to them that it is not easy since people don't speak English here. Even all the forms are in Deutsch. How to explain that when you've only been here 5 days and you got chicken pox, after a month of being here, you husband broke his leg. And having to go to the Apotheke and to the insurance company and the bank all by yourself in foreign land that speaks foreign language. How to tell them that you had to go to the Dentist and remove 3 of your wisdom tooth and how difficult it is to talk to the administration people. How to explain that people here talk Deutsch all the time and you can't get by without learning their language. How to tell them that we don't have the luxury to go to mamak stall or gerai² to get that Mi Bandung at 10pm. We don't have the luxury to go around with our cars everywhere and the mode of transportation is by the Bus and SBahn even when we have to carry heavy things. And they ask me, you buat apa JE kat sane? Dok rumah jadi housewife JE ke? I need not to justify myself. I just say, Yup. Jadi Housewife JE. Let them think whatever they wanna think because even how crystal clear I explain how it is here, they have no idea. And they never will have the idea until the come here and see it for themselves and experience it. Germany is not like other countries. They don't operate in English. But I like the fact that this is how it is. It taught me the meaning of survival. Jasmin said that there is always another way to look at it. People don't understand that being a housewife here is so different. The biggest challenge is the language barrier. And we have a plus point that know Deutsch when we go back to our homeland, we can speak Deutsch. We are more independent.

Looking back, God gave us a test. Can I really survive it here? God knows how frustrating it is when you can't understand what people are talking about. But alhamdulillah now, I can get around although my Deutsch is not perfect. In fact, I am soo in the beginner's level but I can understand and speak a little. Not that fluent but at least I am surviving here, and it's all in God's will.

While the 33 year old's were talking, it got me thinking about life. And how my friend earlier had asked, is there more to life ? This time last year or two years ago, I asked myself the same question everyday when I travel 60 kms to work. Perhaps, there is. And I know that I am here for a reason. Inshallah, with lots of effort and support, and God's willing, I will survive and make it here.